I have embroiled myself in a murky situation. I am currently very unhappy with my job. I get told off at least once a day, which is something that I, and I believe most people, dislike. T. has a short, sharp, temper and allows me the pleasure of experiencing it frequently, but he almost always says some sort of implied apology "I always get grumpy in the kitchen..." type of thing later and is sunny the rest of the day.
For example:
I, apparently, have been late to almost all of my day shifts (12 - 5). Even though I would show up as soon as the big hand reached the XII. But I found out recently that I am supposed to be behind the bar BY 12. And this is where it gets tricky: was I supposed to know this? Was I being dense or out to lunch/incompetant? Because it is a standard practice, in the US and out that when an employer asks you to be in at a time they mean they want you to be completely ready to work by that time. Or did T not inform me properly of his expectations?
That resulted in the worst telling off of them yet.
Or another example:
A table was not cleared for a while. I was helping other people and so was unable to clear said table. But is this a real justification? It's one of those situations where I feel if I were stronger/faster/smarter/more alert I could have helped everyone in line AND taken care of the table at the same time all without being told to do it. As a result of that telling off I watch people until I see the last forkful of food enter their mouths, and then I leap over tables and push patrons out of the way in order to grab their plates.
Most of the other situations were like that. Was I being useless/incompetant/spineless? Or did I honestly not know? Are my excuses legitimate? Or should I have known better?
The really upsetting thing is that I can't shake the feeling that I really am useless and unaware. I may tell myself "to be fair, self, it's probably a little of both. You being a little bit of a slow learner and them being unimpressive bosses" but there's always the part of me that whispers "it wouldn't be a problem if you were smarter/stronger/quicker."
I am looking for another job.
1 comment:
dear emily:
it's completely your boss. you shouldn't feel bad at all.
sometimes i amaze myself by how quickly i can do shit at new leaf that took forever when i first started. It's called a learning curve and even the brightest suffer from it.
So, your boss is a dick and is simply not giving you enough time to get really efficient at your job, which will happen naturally, or your boss is just such a jerk that even if you were doing a perfect job he'd give you shit.
so, i really don't think you should feel bad about this, or at least as little as possible. Because you are very smart/capable etc.
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