Turkey

I am irrationally afraid of birds. Birds have no discernible pupils therefore I can never tell where they are looking. They also move in three-dimensions (people only walk around in two, think about it) and like to fly in my face. Plus they have disgusting scaly feet and sharp, evil beaks (absolutely no pun intended) and carry all types of gross flus and plagues. Plus, they're icky. Icky icky icky. Yeugch.
The vast majority of people laugh at me and tell me that I can take any bird (except maybe an ostrich) but once when checking into a motel in Wyoming the motel owners cockatoo took a shine to me and lovingly flew into my face. I screamed my freaking head off and ran behind the counter and into the motel owners apartment.
In France A and I were eating lunch up at Le Sacre Coeur and the sheer number of pigeons there lurking around had me quivering in my travel sandals.
There is a small triangle of land that is formed by 3 streets. Piedmont, being Piedmont, has nicely landscaped it. There are a number of large-ish redwoods and some flowering shrubs and ferny things. There is also a nice cement clearing in the center that has a bench and a trash can and a container holding dog poop bags. I pull the dog into that clearing to purloin dog poop bags but he always pulls at the leash and refuses to go no further into the clearing. Today I figured out why. I was pulling the dog towards the trash can (as usual) when a wild turkey stepped out of the bushes and fixed me with an evil eye, lifted an eye brow and said "beat it, kid." Bailey (the dog) and I booked it out of there and crossed the street.
Wild turkeys in Piedmont seems a little silly because there is not much space for them to roost peacefully, and Piedmonters call the police for EVERYTHING (the police blotter reads like an anal, old lady's random complaints. "Man reported lurking outside of house, turns out it was the gardener" or "car reported sitting for a week, the car was registered to the house across the street.") I've been afraid of walking down there, though I keep telling myself that I could kick it and scare it away, but then I imagine the police blotter if I try to defend myself: "woman reported, pecked to death by wild turkey